needed: confidence

This Saturday, I volunteered at a Crossover Clinic, a free clinic that provides health services in the name of Jesus. Because all I have learned so far is taking blood pressure and interviews, I was not that useful. I tagged along with a second-year medical student and watched her do most of the work. We saw two patients total. I did take one patient's vitals, conduct most of the interview, and present the interview results to the attending. However, during my presentation, I did not feel confident at all.

Cecilia, the M2, conducted the physical exam with familiarity. Sometimes she instructed me to do as she did. Her hands, while checking the patient's body, were firm, while mine were limp and diffident. I certainly did not apply enough pressure while feeling for the patients' lymph nodes or insert the probes far enough into the patient's nose and ears. Basically, I was a bit afraid to touch the patients; which is okay right now, I think, considering I didn't even know what I was looking for in these exams. However, I do need to be more assertive to learn better.

There were a few patients who needed flu shots. The doctor who works at Crossover offered the med students the chance to give them. I declined giving the shot at first because I was afraid to mess up, so Cecilia did it. But soon it was my turn. I thought, "Oh gosh, I can't even properly stick a straw through the plastic cover of a Tapioca drink, and you want me to stick a needle into live flesh?" But it was actually very easy! The patient did not even bleed (but I think that is due to his physiology, not my skill). Afterward, I felt really accomplished, even though it was a small task.

To the poor patient who was my guinea pig: You are the first real patient I actually interviewed, the third for whom I took blood pressure, and the first I gave a shot. You never complained or showed signs of discomfort, even though I was not comfortable myself. Thank you.