Sunday, October 25, 2009
I've got a job option for you buff guys....
... be a photography model for anatomy textbooks (at least, for the muscles section).
Monday, October 12, 2009
the lady with sickle cell anemia
Today a person with sickle cell anemia came and talked to my class. Because sickle cell is a disease of the blood cells, it affects every part of the body that has blood flow, which means basically everywhere. A person with this disease is in pain almost all the time, and can go into "crises" of severe pain (8 to 10 on a ten-point scale) that necessitate hospitalization.
Even though the lady got out of the emergency room at 2am from one of her crises, and came to speak to us eight hours later at 10am, and was still in pain from the crisis, she was so very cheerful and humorous. She joked with us and we all laughed several times. In fact, judging by her contagious good spirits, no one would have guessed that she still hurt physically. (Many sickle cell patients have gotten so used to pain that they show no signs of it even if the pain is a 10 on the ten-point scale).
She told us that because sickle cell patients often seek large doses of pain medication out of necessity, they are wrongly derided as "drug-seekers" or "dopers" by their healthcare providers, sometimes even within earshot. "Don't do that," she said. "It hurts." That is more reason not to talk down to perceived drug-seekers--because they may actually be misunderstood people with sickle cell. (Even if the drug-seekers are real, I still don't want to disdain them, since I myself am a drug-seeker of sorts. My drug to escape from reality is the Internet).
"Between Virginia [her nurse's name] and the Lord, that is what has kept me going," the lady stated. I want to have some of her joy in the pain.
Even though the lady got out of the emergency room at 2am from one of her crises, and came to speak to us eight hours later at 10am, and was still in pain from the crisis, she was so very cheerful and humorous. She joked with us and we all laughed several times. In fact, judging by her contagious good spirits, no one would have guessed that she still hurt physically. (Many sickle cell patients have gotten so used to pain that they show no signs of it even if the pain is a 10 on the ten-point scale).
She told us that because sickle cell patients often seek large doses of pain medication out of necessity, they are wrongly derided as "drug-seekers" or "dopers" by their healthcare providers, sometimes even within earshot. "Don't do that," she said. "It hurts." That is more reason not to talk down to perceived drug-seekers--because they may actually be misunderstood people with sickle cell. (Even if the drug-seekers are real, I still don't want to disdain them, since I myself am a drug-seeker of sorts. My drug to escape from reality is the Internet).
"Between Virginia [her nurse's name] and the Lord, that is what has kept me going," the lady stated. I want to have some of her joy in the pain.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Yay medicine!
Meet Dr. Costanzo, renowned physiologist, professor, coach and cheerleader of first- and second-year medical students as they study for their board exams.
Meet Stack of Syllabi--material medical students have to master in the first two years of medical school before taking the board test.
All this knowledge is making me excited. I wish I could remember everything.
people
My mood fluctuates widely. I am happy when I have conversations with people, when I have friendly and pleasant interactions with them.
I am miserable when when I am alone in my dorm room at night, when I have no one to talk to, and when my social discomfort raises its ugly head while I try to make friends.
I can't live like this--I can't let my mood be constantly dictated by the quality of my social life (or lack thereof). There is something missing here.
It's rather funny, actually. In high school and the first few years of college, I was actually rather aloof. In psychological terms, I even characterized myself as "ambivalent" (somewhat more distant and independent from others), as opposed to "secure" (normal and healthy relationships) or "anxious" (clingy). Yet now I would say that while my behavior may still seem ambivalent and that I sometimes act aloof, my heart is becoming more and more clingy to people in general.
Actually, in junior year of college I took a test offered by my psychology professor to determine what I truly was. To my surprise, my results were in the "secure" range, and my "anxious" score was slightly higher than my "ambivalent" score. I was expecting the result of "ambivalent," but the test said I was normal. But now I am not feeling normal at all. Sometimes I want to go out and do stuff without having to wait for others; other times, I have such deep longing for human company that it is ridiculous.
When did it all start? In the last semester of high school, for one reason or another the usual group of people I ate lunch with disbanded. So I either ate alone or floated among the other social groups. However, while the new groups I ate with were still my friends, I did not feel to be part of their established in-crowd. That was the semester when I was so lonely, so lonely.
In college, I was tremendously blessed by my Christian fellowship. God gave me very dear and very close sisters, and brothers as well. I remember calling my mom during the first semester of freshman year and telling her "I am happy." I think I was mostly happy every year in college except for the third year, when I studied for the MCAT and applied to med schools. That year, I was burned out, and most of my friends were also busy. I medicated myself against the fatigue and the loneliness by procrastinating. But when my last semester of college came around, I increased my participation in the fellowship, and seeing my friends more was one reason I was happy again (the other reasons were that I learned wonderful things from my new discipler and took very enjoyable classes like martial arts).
Now, most of my college friends are living in a different space-time dimension. Different time zone, I mean. I miss them dearly. I do talk to my new classmates, but most of the interactions have been cordial, not deep. I do thank God for the few good friendships He has given me here, but I thirst for more most of the time that I am alone. This can't be right.
But I am sure people can relate to this longing for camaraderie. Why else would the theme of so many mangas (Japanese comics) be friendship? In fact, the word "nakama" (which I gather to mean friends/comrades) is very frequently used. The four most popular mangas--Naruto, Bleach, One Piece, and Fairy Tail--all have friendship as the central theme, as if it is the most important thing in the world. Naruto strives constantly to get his friend Sasuke back, Ichigo in Bleach fights bad guys to protect his friends, the pirate crew in One Piece sticks together through thick and thin, and so does the guild of magicians in Fairy Tail. (The fact that I have read all these mangas and more is another topic I shall not discuss here).
Perhaps I am falling into idol worship, with people as my idol. My need is to be affirmed, and having friends affirms me of my social skills. I also need to feel secure, and having a group of people I can rely on certainly helps. But should not God be enough? Should not He be my sole source of affirmation and security? And in fact, He is. Yet, yet, why do I not grasp this truth and still long for people with an unhealthy intensity? While God did make us as social creatures that need each other, am I blowing this natural desire out of proportion so that it displaces God's place in my life? I think the answer is yes.
I am miserable when when I am alone in my dorm room at night, when I have no one to talk to, and when my social discomfort raises its ugly head while I try to make friends.
I can't live like this--I can't let my mood be constantly dictated by the quality of my social life (or lack thereof). There is something missing here.
It's rather funny, actually. In high school and the first few years of college, I was actually rather aloof. In psychological terms, I even characterized myself as "ambivalent" (somewhat more distant and independent from others), as opposed to "secure" (normal and healthy relationships) or "anxious" (clingy). Yet now I would say that while my behavior may still seem ambivalent and that I sometimes act aloof, my heart is becoming more and more clingy to people in general.
Actually, in junior year of college I took a test offered by my psychology professor to determine what I truly was. To my surprise, my results were in the "secure" range, and my "anxious" score was slightly higher than my "ambivalent" score. I was expecting the result of "ambivalent," but the test said I was normal. But now I am not feeling normal at all. Sometimes I want to go out and do stuff without having to wait for others; other times, I have such deep longing for human company that it is ridiculous.
When did it all start? In the last semester of high school, for one reason or another the usual group of people I ate lunch with disbanded. So I either ate alone or floated among the other social groups. However, while the new groups I ate with were still my friends, I did not feel to be part of their established in-crowd. That was the semester when I was so lonely, so lonely.
In college, I was tremendously blessed by my Christian fellowship. God gave me very dear and very close sisters, and brothers as well. I remember calling my mom during the first semester of freshman year and telling her "I am happy." I think I was mostly happy every year in college except for the third year, when I studied for the MCAT and applied to med schools. That year, I was burned out, and most of my friends were also busy. I medicated myself against the fatigue and the loneliness by procrastinating. But when my last semester of college came around, I increased my participation in the fellowship, and seeing my friends more was one reason I was happy again (the other reasons were that I learned wonderful things from my new discipler and took very enjoyable classes like martial arts).
Now, most of my college friends are living in a different space-time dimension. Different time zone, I mean. I miss them dearly. I do talk to my new classmates, but most of the interactions have been cordial, not deep. I do thank God for the few good friendships He has given me here, but I thirst for more most of the time that I am alone. This can't be right.
But I am sure people can relate to this longing for camaraderie. Why else would the theme of so many mangas (Japanese comics) be friendship? In fact, the word "nakama" (which I gather to mean friends/comrades) is very frequently used. The four most popular mangas--Naruto, Bleach, One Piece, and Fairy Tail--all have friendship as the central theme, as if it is the most important thing in the world. Naruto strives constantly to get his friend Sasuke back, Ichigo in Bleach fights bad guys to protect his friends, the pirate crew in One Piece sticks together through thick and thin, and so does the guild of magicians in Fairy Tail. (The fact that I have read all these mangas and more is another topic I shall not discuss here).
Perhaps I am falling into idol worship, with people as my idol. My need is to be affirmed, and having friends affirms me of my social skills. I also need to feel secure, and having a group of people I can rely on certainly helps. But should not God be enough? Should not He be my sole source of affirmation and security? And in fact, He is. Yet, yet, why do I not grasp this truth and still long for people with an unhealthy intensity? While God did make us as social creatures that need each other, am I blowing this natural desire out of proportion so that it displaces God's place in my life? I think the answer is yes.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
zest-less
I stumbled upon the blog of a 22-year-old girl suffering from leukemia. She has a fervent desire to keep on living. She wants to be allowed to take part in the future.
If I have a terminal illness, would I also want to fight to live? I don't currently have much zest for my own life, pampered and comfortable as it is. Certainly, there are times when I relish it (such as during my mission trip this past summer), but I often also want it to be over with. Sometimes, I think the only reason I keep on living is that, were I to die, my mother would be devastated, and I wish to spare her this.
I think it is because I am easily worried and can't even handle the small uncertainties life brings. Or I am too ungrateful toward God, the one who gave me this life.
Or maybe I am just in a bad mood right now as I write this entry.
If I have a terminal illness, would I also want to fight to live? I don't currently have much zest for my own life, pampered and comfortable as it is. Certainly, there are times when I relish it (such as during my mission trip this past summer), but I often also want it to be over with. Sometimes, I think the only reason I keep on living is that, were I to die, my mother would be devastated, and I wish to spare her this.
I think it is because I am easily worried and can't even handle the small uncertainties life brings. Or I am too ungrateful toward God, the one who gave me this life.
Or maybe I am just in a bad mood right now as I write this entry.
Monday, October 5, 2009
needed: confidence
This Saturday, I volunteered at a Crossover Clinic, a free clinic that provides health services in the name of Jesus. Because all I have learned so far is taking blood pressure and interviews, I was not that useful. I tagged along with a second-year medical student and watched her do most of the work. We saw two patients total. I did take one patient's vitals, conduct most of the interview, and present the interview results to the attending. However, during my presentation, I did not feel confident at all.
Cecilia, the M2, conducted the physical exam with familiarity. Sometimes she instructed me to do as she did. Her hands, while checking the patient's body, were firm, while mine were limp and diffident. I certainly did not apply enough pressure while feeling for the patients' lymph nodes or insert the probes far enough into the patient's nose and ears. Basically, I was a bit afraid to touch the patients; which is okay right now, I think, considering I didn't even know what I was looking for in these exams. However, I do need to be more assertive to learn better.
There were a few patients who needed flu shots. The doctor who works at Crossover offered the med students the chance to give them. I declined giving the shot at first because I was afraid to mess up, so Cecilia did it. But soon it was my turn. I thought, "Oh gosh, I can't even properly stick a straw through the plastic cover of a Tapioca drink, and you want me to stick a needle into live flesh?" But it was actually very easy! The patient did not even bleed (but I think that is due to his physiology, not my skill). Afterward, I felt really accomplished, even though it was a small task.
To the poor patient who was my guinea pig: You are the first real patient I actually interviewed, the third for whom I took blood pressure, and the first I gave a shot. You never complained or showed signs of discomfort, even though I was not comfortable myself. Thank you.
Cecilia, the M2, conducted the physical exam with familiarity. Sometimes she instructed me to do as she did. Her hands, while checking the patient's body, were firm, while mine were limp and diffident. I certainly did not apply enough pressure while feeling for the patients' lymph nodes or insert the probes far enough into the patient's nose and ears. Basically, I was a bit afraid to touch the patients; which is okay right now, I think, considering I didn't even know what I was looking for in these exams. However, I do need to be more assertive to learn better.
There were a few patients who needed flu shots. The doctor who works at Crossover offered the med students the chance to give them. I declined giving the shot at first because I was afraid to mess up, so Cecilia did it. But soon it was my turn. I thought, "Oh gosh, I can't even properly stick a straw through the plastic cover of a Tapioca drink, and you want me to stick a needle into live flesh?" But it was actually very easy! The patient did not even bleed (but I think that is due to his physiology, not my skill). Afterward, I felt really accomplished, even though it was a small task.
To the poor patient who was my guinea pig: You are the first real patient I actually interviewed, the third for whom I took blood pressure, and the first I gave a shot. You never complained or showed signs of discomfort, even though I was not comfortable myself. Thank you.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
some timeline
August 2005--started college at UC Berkeley.
May to December 2007--shadowed doctors, volunteered at health-related places, somehow officially decided to be a doctor
December 2007 to December 2008--the Dark Ages: studied for the MCAT, applied to medical schools
December 15, 2008--learned of my first acceptance to a certain medical school while in Valley Life Sciences Building at UC Berkeley; entered uncharacteristic, gleeful, and silent screaming fit, because I was in the library. Went to sushi place with Christine, Holly, and Holly's sister that night.
May 20, 2009--graduated from UC Berkeley
June 17 to July 24, 2009--mission trip to Taiwan: best summer of my life
August 4, 2009--moved across the country to the opposite Coast
August 10, 2009--Orientation started at said med school.
August 17, 2009--Classes started at said med school.
October 4, 2009--wrote this entry because I wanted to play with my new blog.
May to December 2007--shadowed doctors, volunteered at health-related places, somehow officially decided to be a doctor
December 2007 to December 2008--the Dark Ages: studied for the MCAT, applied to medical schools
December 15, 2008--learned of my first acceptance to a certain medical school while in Valley Life Sciences Building at UC Berkeley; entered uncharacteristic, gleeful, and silent screaming fit, because I was in the library. Went to sushi place with Christine, Holly, and Holly's sister that night.
May 20, 2009--graduated from UC Berkeley
June 17 to July 24, 2009--mission trip to Taiwan: best summer of my life
August 4, 2009--moved across the country to the opposite Coast
August 10, 2009--Orientation started at said med school.
August 17, 2009--Classes started at said med school.
October 4, 2009--wrote this entry because I wanted to play with my new blog.
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